The decision to refrain from lying requires social-emotional skills. In developmental psychology, the capacity to tell a lie manifests when children are about 2 to 3 years old. The lie demonstrates a developmental milestone: the child’s awareness that their own internal thoughts differ from those of others. By age 8, children’s lies become more complex, taking plausibility and the listener’s mood and mindset into account. Telling deliberate lies also requires executive functions such as planning and organization.
Social Awareness is a factor affecting the deployment of this skill. A child is not encouraged to tell Nana her new hairstyle is ugly, nor to say, “I hate it!” when unwrapping a birthday gift. When blunt honesty will hurt another’s feelings, a lie becomes the polite thing to do.
Yet the stress of social pressure may prompt a child to lie, when that child feels insecure about themselves and their social status. Should you lie to protect your own feelings? Let’s ask Clyde the Hippo.
The story begins when Clyde returns to school after a long break. He is eager to reconnect with his friends, who had been away on trips. Amanda gives an impressive summary of her exploits in downhill skiing. Toby chimes in, “That’s nothing!” and describes his awesome experience surfing. Dot counters, “Well, top this!” and shares his major success fishing. Now it’s Clyde’s turn. His friends beam expectantly.
Poor Clyde searches his brain. The social situation calls for the most amazing vacation story of all. But Clyde only stayed home and watched a television show set in outer space.
The stress is too much. Clyde blurts out that he went to Space Camp. Not only that, but he went to Mars. He even has a picture of himself with a Martian.
Whoops! Clyde’s lie has stretched the limits of plausibility. His friends want proof. Clyde promises to bring the picture tomorrow.
Desperate, Clyde tries to disguise his favorite plush toy as a Martian, so he can take the picture. This results in quite a mess, and a rather scruffy “Martian.” It’s no use.
The next morning, Clyde musters up his courage. He confesses that he didn’t go on a “cool trip.” He made up the story so the others wouldn’t tease him. Clyde’s honesty prompts his friends to reveal that they all lied, too. Yes, they went on trips, but they each had embarrassing difficulties with the mountain, the ocean, and the fishing. Turns out they all were in the same boat, so to speak. Smiles reappear as the friends unburden themselves and refocus on what they have in common.
It’s a challenge to know what to say when honesty seems threatening. With undeveloped social-emotional skills, a child may resort to dysfunctional strategies – like lying – that end up creating even more of a mess. CLYDE LIED may appear simple on the surface, but it addresses complex social-emotional issues of insecurity, self-doubt, and social status. After all, childhood itself is not as simple as it might appear.
