The month of May is World Mental Health Awareness Month and today is its last day. I made this post exactly today on purpose. I want to remind everyone that, as we enter a new month, the importance of discussing and prioritising mental health will still persist. We must continue addressing the challenges raising a child with more than one language can place on a family, especially when living internationally. Let’s stay vigilant and have the courage to extend help and support to anyone who might be struggling (and equally, to accept it ourselves!). This is a critical issue that demands our attention not only during the buzz of May, when it’s in the spotlight and the hashtags are trending, but every day of every month.
It goes without saying that raising a child with more than one language has huge benefits – language fluency and communication abilities in multiple languages, enhanced cultural understanding and appreciation, empathy and socio-emotional development, to name a few. However, what is often (un)intentionally overlooked in that context is the emotional and mental toll it can impose on families – the underlying sense of loneliness, frequent pressures and insecurities as well as the daily challenges of ensuring balanced, relatable language input and suitable resources.
Imagine this – your family has just relocated to a new country, none of you speaks the local language, you have no family, friends or a network of support. The nanny you have trusted for the last couple of years couldn’t come with you and you haven’t been able to find a suitable supplementary school. And don’t get me started on regular schooling and the myriad questions that come with making a choice. Which school would be the right choice for my child? Should we go local or international? What is going to happen if we decide to stay longer at this location? How would it affect our language dynamic? You are firmly convinced that you would like to continue developing your home languages, but how is it going to work in the new environment and would it even be worth the effort?
I am sure that if you are reading this, you know what I am talking about. You have experienced it to some degree – the constant adjustments and adaptations while trying to provide a nurturing language environment; the frequent exhaustion and depletion while trying to be consistent, persistent and resourceful. I sure have. It can be emotionally straining. So, what can you do to lighten the load and work towards your language goals while maintaining positive mental well-being throughout this rewarding yet demanding journey?
Here are seven empowering strategies to help you navigate and prioritise your mental well-being on your multilingual parenting journey:
- Avoid social isolation.
I have to admit, when we moved to the Netherlands 4,5 years ago, I ended up isolating myself. I was seven months pregnant with my daughter and had a 3,5-year-old son, but no help, no community, no safety net and while trying to juggle it all, I somehow forgot to seek and reach out for the most important thing – social connection. Don’t make my mistake and do seek opportunities to connect even though it might feel intimidating and overwhelming at first. Seek playgroups, after-school activities, clubs or other forms of get-togethers to connect with like-minded multilingual families. This will not only help your child with natural language exposure in your target language, but it might bring you closer to finding your tribe and (slowly) start weaving a safety net.
And if you can’t find any of these? Take the initiative and start your own!
2. Cultivate a supportive network.
Cultivating a supportive network is vital for alleviating the mental load when raising children with more than one language. Why? Plain and simple – you can’t do it alone. Building a network will provide for:
- Emotional support – by sharing problems, triumphs and everyday occurrences. It will remind you that you are not alone and that others are encountering similar things. You don’t have to be travelling alone and knowing that can very well lighted the emotional load.
- Opportunities for cooperation and collaboration – they arise when you have a network of people with similar goals. These might include organising playgroups in the target language, doing homework together through your home language or coordinating other activities to promote the home language or another target language.
- Sharing of resources and knowledge – resources, or lack thereof, is without a doubt one of the biggest issues for multilingual families. Having like-minded people in your court, however, might provide for recommending or sharing of suitable resources and materials or simply for managing the challenges of navigating your multilingual journey in the current environment. It can significantly reduce the time and effort spent searching for useful solutions.
3. Have a plan.
I cannot emphasise the importance of having a language plan enough. This is your best tool not only while trying to balance multiple languages, but also while working towards your goals and trying to stay sane during the process. It is the roadmap, unique to every family’s little universe, which, if laid out accordingly, will make navigating your journey so much easier. It is about more than “just” language – by having a plan, you can ensure that all the variables, specific to your concrete situation, have been considered, calculated and evaluated, thus helping you lighten the mental load as well.
4. Establish clear and simple language routines.
Make your plan even more granular and set some time aside for specific language activities. You need to provide as much exposure as possible and, instead of worrying about what to do every day, set half an hour on the weekend to plan for the next week – plan time for reading every day and brainstorm or research activities that might be interesting for your child. Raising a child with more than one language undoubtedly requires time commitment. However, by proactively planning activities in advance, you can not only maximise the effectiveness of language exposure but also alleviate the overwhelm of day-to-day planning. This can allow you to create a structured learning environment while freeing up mental space to enjoy the process and bond with your children.
5. Delegate and share responsibilities.
As already mentioned, you cannot do it all alone. Even if you think you will do it best (which I don’t doubt!), you will need to enlist help. Divide and conquer is an approach that works beautifully in the domain of multilingual childrearing as well. Depending on your situation and language dynamic, you can alternate story time, organize target-language playdates or get a babysitter (even if you don’t think you need one). Try it out now and thank me later!
6. Prioritise relationships in your family and keep it simple.
A lot of people don’t like hearing this, but language goals are not the top priority when raising a multilingual family. Wait, what? Yes, the reigning champion is your family’s well-being and the goals come right after that. Setting unrealistic expectations will add stress to your family and its dynamic and will ultimately lead to depletion and exhaustion. Set your priorities straight and connect with your values. How many languages are enough? Where do we draw the line? What would the impact be if my child does not achieve academic proficiency in all three languages? Talk about it with the whole family and prioritise relationships over language goals. And, remember, that the better your child feels about their language journey, the more easily they will learn.
7. Focus on the process and avoid comparisons.
Focus on the process of language acquisition, learning and development rather than on achievements. I am not saying they are not important, but what is even more important is taking the pressure off, not comparing and focusing on the process and progress. Every child has their own learning curve of language development. Language learning is never linear. Therefore, celebrate the small milestones, encourage your child for their efforts, have fun and enjoy the ride.
Navigating the multilingual journey as a family can pose challenges for everyone involved, placing a toll on mental well-being. Finding a balance that works for your family is crucial along the way. It will help alleviate your mental load, which will help create a nurturing multilingual environment. Don’t forget to make the time to take care of yourself either. As cliché as it may sound, you do need to put your oxygen mask on first, so you can help others!
