This week, I had planned on talking about one of the most important perks of growing up with more than one language – the effect it has on a child’s socio-emotional development. It’s a topic that is very close to my heart as well as one that is being heavily researched and is steadily gaining momentum in our increasingly interconnected world.
But, as we all know, life often has a way of re-directing our attention where it’s most needed. Just a couple of days ago, I was faced with a situation that touched me a great deal and inevitably prompted this shift in plans. I found myself in a heartfelt conversation with a parent* facing a dilemma that many in our community might recognise, which led me to talk about this more immediate concern today. Their child, like so many others, has started school in a new language – one that is not spoken at home and, of course, when that happens it is not “just” about learning a new language (contrary to what many might believe). There are a lot of challenges that go with starting school in a new language and being able to show up authentically and express your emotions in that language is a vital aspect of gradually adapting to a new normal. This parent shared that their child was having a challenging time because they can’t articulate and express their emotions in the new language. The story struck a cord with me, because I see reflections of my own experiences in this parent’s concern. And I’m pretty sure that many of you can relate as well.
When a child starts school in a new language, the flood of emotions can be overwhelming. A new environment, new teachers and classmates, and all of it in a new language. Not to mention learning content and performing academically in that language! It’s a lot and it can easily and very quickly provoke profound feelings of isolation, confusion and helplessness that can arise from the inability to understand and make themselves understood. It’s also important to remember here that the early years are a crucial period for self-discovery and social positioning. The ability to navigate a new social environment, especially in a different language, is closely linked to a child’s understanding of themselves and their place in the world.
This underscores the need for a supportive and empathetic approach from educators and parents, to help children not only acquire the new language but also to develop emotionally and socially in a balanced and healthy way. There’s a widespread myth, often referenced in discussions about children and language learning, that young children are like sponges — effortlessly soaking up languages simply by being exposed to them; becoming “fluent” often only a few months after being “dropped” in a new language environment. This is clearly an oversimplification and a frequent reason why struggles with self-expression might end up being downplayed. After all, children are capable in this regard and they will find their way soon enough, so why bother?! However, language acquisition is a complex process, governed by a multitude of factors, especially personal factors, such as anxiety, motivation, aptitude, personality, age or structure of home language(s). Therefore, assuming that your child will simply absorb the new language is inaccurate and misleading, leading to potential frustration and anxiety when the expected rapid progress doesn’t happen. It might set false expectations and be exceedingly counterproductive and damaging. Therefore, starting school in a new language should not be taken lightly. The emotional toll — potential feelings of frustration, anxiety and alienation — can significantly impact a child’s self-esteem and sense of belonging. This is not just about learning to communicate; it’s about the child’s overall well-being and their ability to integrate into a new social and educational environment.
Language is emotion and children often struggle to understand, make sense and verbalise their emotions. Imagine the world through the eyes of a young child in this situation. They’re not only grappling with the typical emotions of childhood but also struggling to find the words in an unfamiliar language to express these feelings. And when words fail, behaviour often makes up for it. Some may withdraw into themselves, shying away from interactions. Others might display more overt signs of frustration — acting out, throwing tantrums or exhibiting aggressive behaviour — as a cry for help or a means to draw attention, even if it’s negative. Unfortunately, such children might often be labelled difficult or disruptive, without a proper search for the reasons why it happens. Lack of the language they need, a fundamental factor in their behaviour, is frequently overlooked. This oversight can lead to a misinterpretation of their actions and, worse, a failure to provide the support they so desperately need.
In a school setting, the pressure to express oneself can be much more pronounced, especially due to peer pressure or the inability to articulate feelings or emotions when discussing problems and solutions with teachers. Some of the challenges that children might face when trying to articulate their feelings in a new language include, but are not limited to:
- Navigating emotional language – even if a child has a “decent” language level to cater to their communicative needs, the language needed to express emotion is often more nuanced and complex.
- Misinterpretation of intentions – Without the right language, children might find their emotions or intentions misinterpreted by peers and teachers.
- Increased chance of miscommunication – A personal anecdote illustrates this challenge quite well. A few months into my son’s journey into Dutch school, he faced a conflict with another child (we don’t speak Dutch at home). During a meeting with the teacher and the other child’s parent, the conversation initially unfolded in Dutch. Despite his best efforts, my son’s limited vocabulary in Dutch at the time meant he couldn’t fully express his perspective, leading to visible frustration. The switch to English, his stronger home language, was a turning point, allowing him to articulate his side of the story more effectively. This incident begs the question: what if English hadn’t been an option? Many children in similar situations may find themselves feeling misunderstood and isolated, their voices diminished to simply agreeing with others’ viewpoints.
- Impact on school life – inability to express one’s emotions can have a profound impact on a child’s ability to participate in school life, be it class discussions, social interactions or after-school activities. This will inadvertently impact their feeling of belonging and well-being.
So, where do you start? Even if it might sound counterintuitive for some, because we’re talking about being able to express oneself in another language, take a few steps back and look at your child’s ability to
a. Identify as well as
b. Articulate and talk about
emotions in your home language. And, no, it will not be a waste of time! Why? Because building the home language and your child’s cognitive skills through that language is critical and improves their ability to learn and perform in the school language. And, because the continued development of the home language will inevitably support the development of the school language, focusing on this language to bridge emotional understanding is critical. Provide a space for your child where they can express and explore their emotions freely. It will help them not only to understand themselves and their feelings better, but also to (slowly) amass the emotional vocabulary they need to do so in your native tongue. By starting with the home language and building a strong emotional foundation, you’ll be able to better equip your child to express themselves in a new language. The role of parents and teachers on this journey is crucial — their support can significantly influence a child’s ability to adapt and thrive.
Below are a few strategies you can employ right away to start building on these fundamental skills:
1.Encourage and initiate exposure to the school language outside of school (in a more informal setting): Seek opportunities to engage them in activities that align with your child’s interests, such as local sports teams, art classes or social clubs. Use the social power to their advantage. This not only facilitates language acquisition but also helps build their social network, contributing to emotional well-being.
2. Build strong relationships with your child’s teachers: Teachers can provide insights into your child’s progress and behaviour in school, along with resources or strategies to support their specific needs. Don’t hesitate to initiate a detailed discussion with them to understand and address your child’s needs. That will hopefully prompt the teachers to be more attentive to your child’s non-verbal cues (physical or otherwise), enabling a more comprehensive understanding of their emotional needs.
3. Utilise books in your home language to discuss emotions: Even if books in your specific language are not available, choose any book with rich visuals and translate as you’re working through the book. This will help your child gain skills and understand the concepts in their home language, which will eventually transfer to the school language.
4. Introduce visual aids, like emotion charts or flashcards, in the school language. This visual support can help them learn and identify different emotions. Encourage your child to use these tools at home to express how they feel, gradually building their comfort with the vocabulary.
5. When you read books or watch cartoons/shows, engage in activities and discussions that encourage emotional identification and expression, like talking about characters’ feelings. Ask questions, such as “How do you think they are feeling?”, “What made them feel this way?” or “What clues shows us their emotions?”.
6. Encourage non-verbal expression: Teach your child that it’s perfectly acceptable to express emotions through non-verbal means, like drawing or gestures, especially when they’re struggling to find the words. This approach can be particularly useful for younger children.
7. Be patient! Language and emotional development is a process and rushing will not produce the desired effects more quickly. It might yield the opposite effect. Each and every child develops on their own timeline. Validate your child’s feelings when they are frustrated and overwhelmed and try to help them in identifying and verbalising their feelings.
Your child’s ability to express themselves in a non-native language is a journey that will evolve with time, patience and the right support. A holistic approach tailored to their personality is crucial because the process of learning to express one’s emotions in a foreign language is complex and layered. It’s a delicate balance between linguistic progress and proficiency while finding one’s own voice. It’s about creating an environment where children feel safe to express themselves and the role of parents and teachers here is critical. The role the home language plays during the process is incremental. It provides a basis for the development of language and cognitive skills and serves as a familiar territory where emotions can be processed in their purest form.
How have you navigated these challenges in your own life or in the life of your child? What strategies have you found effective? Share your stories and insights in the comments below and let’s chat about it!
If you found this post helpful or know someone who might benefit from it, please share it. Let’s spread awareness and understanding, making the journey a little easier for those walking this path.
* I’ve referred to both parent and child with “they” for privacy reasons.
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